Fall is here in the Pacific Northwest. The rain is coming down and a rumbling pitter patter can be heard over my head. In the background, I hear the faint sounds of the new video game my husband bought himself. The apartment is a mess, but I’m not that worried about it. We just got married and we can’t totally fit all of the gifts we got into the place (the rest are at my parents house).

It’s been quite a transition. I decided to leave my job to pursue photography. I want to go back to the fundamentals and really learn the foundation this art. My plan is to work toward a certification in fine art photography from Photo Center Northwest. It’ll take some time, but for now I just want to learn something and enjoy it. This quarter, I am signed up for a 35mm black-and-white photography class where you do film developing and make prints with an enlarger. It’s so very exciting to me. I miss the smell of chemicals. Walking into the darkroom to make my first photogram in many many years, the vinegar-like smells filled the air, and when I agitated my exposed paper in the developer, wafts of that smell came up and settled in my nose. I didn’t mind. I was doing something I love doing. At the opposite end, because I mainly shoot digital, I’m also taking a Photoshop class. As much as I know I could’ve learned this another way for much less than what I’m paying for, I know that I need structure and someone to show me how things work. It’s been rewarding so far, having figured out a couple new techniques I didn’t know about. Or better, how I could apply them to make my photos better and stand out more. School takes up about 20 hours of my week. That includes class time and time that is spent on homework assignments, which take more time than I thought they would. It’s left me with a feeling of happiness with a fair amount of overwhelming disorganization.

It’s been years since I’ve been in school and don’t remember how I structure my days. Some of the challenge from pursuing my passion is how to manage my time. It isn’t Monday to Friday 8:30-5:00 anymore. It’s two classes a week and when do I do my assignments? How do I carve out time for my spouse who works full time? I also found that I’m the one who can take care of a lot of the up-keep in the apartment, which means I’d like to build that time into my week, too. After just a week of this new chapter, I am feeling the fullness of my wishes and find that I’m busier now than I ever was at my 40 hour per week job. I think it’s because I wasn’t being challenged like I am now. I’m going to be running around a whole lot with little money, but I’m enjoying every minute of it. I could not have said this 2 years ago.

The weather has changed, as I noted above. The sun shone through a little today. Enough to give us time to stroll our local farmer’s market, take some photos for class, and grab a small bite to eat at a local specialty shop where we had cheese, salami, and some mac n’ cheese drizzled with truffle oil. We played with different combinations, and the flavors jumbled around and danced on my taste buds doing the finest jig they could do. It was delicious. In the past week or so, I’ve begun to feel incredibly in-tune with what I want in life, even when I’m a little stressed out when I am faced with something new to learn. I have a desire inside that motivates me to experiment and do my best. I can take my time and focus both mentally and physically. I needed this time. I can feel inside my chest and in my belly. I listen to my conscience and thoughts and give myself time to make decisions I want to make. My emotions and attitude have transitioned with the season. From fear, boredom, and restlessness to satisfaction, happiness, and awareness. I’m so glad I’ve given myself this time and grateful that I can do it, even for just a little while.